how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
