If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
