Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
