I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When are your genitals available?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
