the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
