Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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