I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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