I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Are we still banned from the library?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
