I didn't shave. On purpose
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
