Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
