it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
