If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
