Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
