And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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