i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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