If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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