I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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