Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
