my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
