Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
