seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
