left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
