hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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