i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
