dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
