the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
