We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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