if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
