Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
