We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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