If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
