dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The power of my boobs compel you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
