I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
