i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The power of my boobs compel you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
