true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
