Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There r osticjed everywhere
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
