lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The Olympian is in my bed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
