Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
