Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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