We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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