I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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