so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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