Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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