he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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