You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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