Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
