so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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