Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
