I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
