We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
