Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My balls are so social today.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
